Do You Know What You Want?

When was the last time you allowed yourself to want something simply because it mattered to you?

For many, desires gradually become something they learn to manage, postpone, or push aside. You become the problem-solver, the provider, and the dependable person who can always be counted on. You learn to prioritise what needs to be done, what others expect of you, and what will keep everything moving, often without stopping to consider what you genuinely want for yourself.

Over time, your own desires can be drowned out by the needs of others, or what we are told we should desire. Not because your desires no longer exist, but because you have become so practised at putting them last that you barely notice when you do it.

Perhaps you have a desire to change direction in your career, create more space in your life, pursue something that excites you, or simply experience more joy in your everyday world. Yet each time the thought surfaces, you find a reason to dismiss it. 

It is not the right time. 

Other people need you. 

You should be grateful for what you have. 

t feels too risky, too indulgent, or too difficult to justify.

This pattern begins with the belief that being needed makes us valuable, that approval creates safety, and that our worth is connected to what we achieve. Saying yes becomes a way of maintaining connection, while saying no or choosing something for ourselves can feel uncomfortable or even threatening.

The challenge is that when we repeatedly suppress what we want, we begin to lose trust in our own desires. We become more familiar with what is expected of us than with what genuinely lights us up.

So how can we break this pattern?

Reconnecting with your desires begins with awareness. Notice the moments when you feel drawn towards something but immediately talk yourself out of it. Pay attention to the opportunities that bring a sense of energy and possibility, as well as the commitments that leave you feeling heavy or resentful. These feelings are not instructions you must automatically follow, but they can offer valuable information about what matters to you.

If you aren’t sure what you want and that spark feels so dull that it’s barely recognisable, then it’s time to re-explore the things that brought you this joy as a child. It could be a hobby that you had forgotten, even just listening to a song, wearing your favourite lipstick from when you were a teenager, or even making a favourite food from a time before your wants became less of a priority. 

You do not need to act on every desire or abandon your responsibilities to honour what matters to you. Sometimes, the first step is simply allowing yourself to acknowledge what you want without judging it, dismissing it, or demanding that it make sense.

Your desires are not a distraction from the life you are building. They are part of what makes that life meaningful. You are allowed to want more, to change your mind, and to make room for the things that bring you alive. And perhaps the real work is learning to stop silencing the part of you that has been waiting to be heard.