Have You Ever Looked at Your Shadow?

Recently I’ve been embracing my shadow, and not in the scary, dark way that might come to mind.  In fact, the words shadow work can often seem intimidating, or a little bit woo-woo, but this is necessary work that I do with leaders to help them break through what has been holding them back. 

But why are we so scared of our shadows?

For some, they bring to mind the idea of digging through painful memories or focusing on everything that is wrong with us. Others assume it is something reserved for psychologists or people on a spiritual journey.

But that is not what shadow work is.

Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung used the term “shadow” to describe aspects of ourselves that sit outside the identity we consciously recognise and accept. We often think of the shadow as our darker qualities: anger, envy, selfishness or fear. But our shadow can also contain parts of our potential we've learned not to express: confidence, creativity, assertiveness, sensitivity, ambition or even our capacity to rest.

Somewhere along the way, we learn which parts of ourselves seem acceptable and which don't. And so, often without realising it, we begin shaping ourselves around the person we believe we need to be.

This is even more common in leadership. 

I remember how this showed up in my own story through corporate leadership. I was told I was “too emotional”, and for a time I saw that part of myself as something I needed to manage or suppress in order to be a good leader.

Looking back now, I see it very differently. I was highly sensitive to what people were feeling. I could sense what was happening beneath the surface. The emotional intelligence I once questioned has become one of my greatest strengths. My ability to understand people, to sense what may not be being said and to create a space where people feel seen is fundamental to the work I do today.

And perhaps my shadow wasn’t simply the emotion I was trying to hide. It was also the other parts of myself I hadn’t fully permitted myself to express: my voice, my assertiveness, my boundaries and my willingness to let someone disagree with me without feeling that I had done something wrong. I didn’t need to become less kind. I needed to understand that kindness and boundaries could exist together. I didn’t need to become less sensitive. I needed to trust that sensitivity and learn how to use it as a strength.

Perhaps you learned that asking for help was a sign of weakness. Maybe expressing emotion felt unprofessional, or slowing down felt lazy. Perhaps you became the dependable one, the high achiever, or the person who always held everything together. Those qualities may have served you well for a season, but if they came at the expense of other parts of yourself, they may also have created exhaustion, disconnection, and the quiet feeling that something is missing.

This is where shadow work becomes so powerful.

It is not about fixing yourself. It is about becoming aware of the parts of yourself that have been left behind.

Many leadership challenges are treated as behavioural problems. We are told to become more confident, communicate better, improve our boundaries, or be more resilient. While these skills absolutely matter, they often focus on changing what is visible without exploring what is driving the behaviour in the first place.

If a leader struggles to say no, the issue may not be a lack of boundaries. It may be an unconscious belief that disappointing others is unsafe. If someone constantly overworks, the issue may not be poor time management. It may be a deeply held story that their worth comes from achievement. Until those underlying patterns are explored, behaviour change often feels like swimming against the current.

Shadow work invites us to become curious rather than critical. Instead of asking, "What is wrong with me?" we begin asking, "What part of me have I learned to hide?"

This allows us to see that our patterns are not personal failures. They are often intelligent adaptations that helped us belong, stay safe, or gain approval at an earlier stage of life. Once we recognise them, we can begin choosing whether they still serve us today.

Leadership is not simply about developing new skills. It is about integrating the parts of yourself you have disconnected from over time. Your intuition. Your courage. Your creativity. Your capacity to rest. Your ability to ask for support. These qualities have not disappeared. They have simply been waiting for permission to return.

Shadow work is not about becoming someone new; it is about becoming whole.

And when you begin leading from that place of wholeness, your leadership becomes more authentic, your relationships become more trusting, and success no longer comes at the cost of yourself. Perhaps rather than beginning this process by asking what you need to change about yourself to become a better leader, you should ask what parts of me have I learned to abandon in trying to fit the role of a leader?